Verbal Conflict and Violence
12/19/25
The first thing we have to establish is that it is unacceptable. This is the first step 99% of us do not take.
As a society, we imply and vote on what is allowed and what is not. We may be divided on somethings, but are on the same page on many, establish consent, don’t beat our kids, or leave them, or don’t set fire to neighbors house.
The reason, then, we as society “allow” fighting is:
We don’t think it’s that bad
We see it as something we have no control over
Or we’re too lazy to parse fighting/discussion, putting it all in the same bucket
Fighting is behaving with an excess of force, in whatever form that force may come in as, physical, verbal, or psychological (all used to torture P.O.W’s, dialed down, but I noticed it’s the same dial….)
Fighting is when your false rationales are not convincing enough, but you want it so bad, you’re willing to resort to traumatizing, corrupting, and corrosive emotional manipulation.
Fighting includes yelling, argument does not.
Fighting includes hurtful words and regrets, argument does not.
There’s no make up sex after an argument, because no one is pained during an argument.
Fighting is deleterious, if it’s mutually productive, its considered a hard conversation, not fighting.
Fighting traumatizes your children, arguments do not.
Fighting includes mental and emotional threats, manipulation, and harm. Argument just uses logic, and logic that need not be yelled, you see?
If you’re not fighting, but are having conversations that are sucking the life out of you, making you feel unsafe in your space, or feeling worse or more resentful than when you’re started, then…
You’re still fighting, just less barbarically.
It’s a more slow psychological burn for you.
Which is not a bad idea.
Again, we do the same to P.O.Ws, or at least C.I.A does the same
to foreign targets the US needs to manipulate,
when we truly need something as well.
It’s extremely effective,
just extremely, and possibly completely, costly.
I think it’s important for us as society to open the definition of what is considered “verbal” or “psychological” abuse in the home.
Sure, you may not get what you want, but there will be less trauma for you to clean up.
Here’s a hard truth we have to learn, lest we keep hurting the people around us.
In school, violence, bullying and sexual harassment are not allowed regardless of severity, reasoning and intentions.
The idea is to avoid irreversible damage.
When you fight, is it possible you may be inflicting irreversible damage?
If you’re not sure…
Do you still want to confidently fight with your loved ones?
The best way I can think of going about not fighting
is to unlearn our own perspectives one by one,
so we can learn the truth,
that fighting with our loved ones
is similar to flinging shit at them,
unarguably disrespectful,
poisonous and all around unhelpful.
This is the idea:
First, you’re partner does something that pains you (whether you know it or not).
Second, your body and mind, then, go through a biochemical change in a matter of milli-seconds (quite extraordinary if you understand it).
You look the same, but you’re not breathing the same…
and all resources have been stolen and overhauled -
you turn into a mean-girl-gone-Hulk,
whether you are a man or a woman.
Third, your brain is triggered, so it needs to react. And what it it falls back on what was the most successfully practiced behavior to eliminate the threat to our psychological “well-being” in your days of old.
For you, 99% of the time, that practiced behavior is one of violence, to inflict psychological threats or cuts, just in the most subtlest of ways.
From our own experience, and from watching our loved ones and mentors growing up, we learned that this type of violence always “works,” as long as you put in the investment, grit, and perserverance.
We don’t see it as violence, because we don’t know the consequences of our words.
We’re not graded or evaluated. You don’t magically get a report card or a performance review every couple of months. The harm done is invisible and needs to fester to show itself.
The beautiful thing is when we show you how your fighting is violent and causes true harm, sometimes quite difficult to reverse, your organic compassion will act quicker than your threat evasion response.
It’s as if, someone designed this for a reason…
as if they wanted to recreate how trees turn into forests.
Compassion, in our brains, is unarguably quicker, stronger, and magically more effective for any goal, than threat elimination. It is harder wired.
Anger comes from the amagdyla. Compassion comes from your entire nervous system, from the neural networks in your finger to your toes, up until it hits your brain stem, before the rest of the brain. This has a critical neurological significance.
Especially, when you know the brain is built in a certain way.
Lower and deeper layers are focus for autonomous, brainless control.
The higher levels, the more advanced levels,
are more in your control, so slower. Understand?
When we show you the facts, and help you see
how if you would not want to cut your partner with a knife
to get them to say “sorry,”
…you won’t want to verbally “fight” either.
Now without further adieu, a poem…
Judgement, Kshatriyas and Kokilas
9/6/24
Sometimes,
I feel like judgment is a pair of scissors...
Something we use to cut down
those that are not as good as they should be.
Someone that’s below us to be sure.
They’re never above us, because then,
the judgment would turn into reverence.
But judgment is definitely not that.
And if it makes us feel better,
then I guess we should cut away
as long as they don’t know, right?
No one is stopping us from doing it
at least in private,
or in our imagination,
like cutting up a hand-sewn doll
that’s “not real” or
cutting another’s reputation while you gossip,
because that too,
is not real pain and affliction.
Not the way they hurt us,
insulting us for not being up to standard, no?
The problem is,
if we always have these scissors
open in our hands,
ready to cut, then, well..
What if we trip?
Like razors,
judgment is meant to be sharp
if it’s meant to be at all effective.
To always hold these scissors,
we must walk with the utmost care.
In first grade, I got in trouble
for running (or walking very fast to be technical)
with scissors in my hand, without the blades
securely fashioned in the pads of my fist.
I got a timeout.
Did they not know how graceful I was?
Surely, they did not know how careful I was!
But that’s on them.
Whatever purpose for which I was transporting these scissors
was righteous.
The teacher asked me for a reason!
The world can use more careful and
righteous people like me.
Corey, who always walked about
like he had two clubbed feet,
should just be better…
It was fine, though, in first grade,
I didn’t need to use scissors much.
But I wasn’t an adult then.
Now, as an adult,
it feels like a requirement to have judgment, no?
It’s only the right thing to do
to have these blades ready to cut,
ready to be used at all times
for the benefit of the all.
The responsible thing to do…
Is to have them ever-present,
always ready to cut
the under-serving,
sometimes
the undeserving
(More than we think)
around us…
like a perverted,
heartless vigilante.
The scissors, not us.
It’s never on us…
The real issue is
that those heartless scissors
will cut you, too.
The blades of judgment do not have masters.
Judgment will always be ready to cut both ways,
its victim and its owner.
The most judgmental
are always the most insecure.
And their cries of pain are never heard,
because they should be up to our standard, no?
Those that judge
walk in a mirror house of scissors,
blades and sharp edges everywhere,
as if self-perpetuating,
self-propagating.
They don’t get to enjoy themselves,
or they will be cut.
They don’t get to be themselves,
or they will be cut.
They don’t get the deepest hug.
They don’t get to dance.
They may invent one,
maybe a dance of blades even,
but a dance centered around
the blades of judgment…
And not of themselves - so,
impure it will always be.
They can only sing
and cry out loud,
of the glories and sorrows of others,
like a fragile songbird
caged,
even encased,
in the most wicked
and darkest of designs.
Those that need to hold scissors
can only be blade masters,
lest they be songbirds
the inspiration
of Valmiki’s shloka
his sound,
rhythm and feel
of grief and sorrow.
Those that don’t, however,
can put them down and
enjoy the fresh air
of a purer form of love.
One that creates,
conquers and
heals and stitches and
sows together
our war-torn souls.
